Go Ask Alice Blog #5

When I finished Go Ask Alice I did not like the end of the book. I did not think it was a good ending for as much intensity as they put into it. One second she decides that she is not going to write in her journal anymore and the next page she is dead. They pretty much say of by the way she dies three weeks later, but they tell us nothing about it. It could possibly have been drug overdose but we will never know. Also I didn’t think that where her journal ended prepared us enough for her death She said that she no longer needed a diary because she wanted to leave all of that behind her and start a new. Also she felt as though she were too old for one. But then like I said she was dead from drugs on the next page. Other than the end I did enjoy the book. I like how it gives us a chance to see both sides of a drug truly. It’s not the version that many people will spice up to make it sound one way but it’s the truth. For example she tells us how great drugs are to her, but when she is off of them she feels much better about herself. Also we can see how they can truly mess up your life to a point where you have to leave your family. Overall I did enjoy Go Ask Alice.

Blog #4

Question: How will she do and how is she adjusting in the mental institution? Ho will it affect her dreams of being a psychiatrist when she grows up.

When the author first arrived at the mental institution she was very scared. She had no idea what she was doing there and didn’t think that there was any reason that she should be there. She met with the doctor and he said that nothing will help her unless she admits that she has a problem, but she doesn’t think that she has a problem. When she arrives she is very sad. She misses her family and the building does not in any way cheer her up. It is dark and dreary and the people walk around with keys on their belts, which are constantly jingling. She is also scared because all of the people there are crazy. They do whatever they want and most of them just want to get out of there so they can go back using the drugs that screwed them off in the first place.
After a little while she finds someone that she can talk to. Her name is Babbie and she is in the room right next to the authors. They talk about their past experiences and this makes the author feel less alone. Now she knows one person there and she isn’t as afraid. The doctor also encourages her to start talking to the kids at the institution because he thinks that it is a great idea for her to become a physiatrist when she grows up. So she finally builds up the courage to go and ask a 15-year-old boy about how he got there. The doctor thinks that they more stories and peoples past that she will find out about the better physiatrist she will be in the future and the better she will be able to help children like them.

Go Ask Alice Blog #3

Question: What has kept hr from using drugs since the last time she used them?

Answer: After the last time she ran away from home and then returned she promised herself that she would never do drugs again. Those days just keep coming back to haunt her and she is too afraid to ever go back. Once she reads what she wrote she couldn’t believe that that was even her. She realized what she had become and how other children were in the same or worse situations. After seeing this she decided that she wanted to be a physiologist. She sees how all these kids need help and they need someone to talk to who understands. So that would e one reason for her to keep from going back. She knows that there are other people out there who need her help and she knows that it is just not worth it. Also her family keeps her from going back. Even though they don’t know that she was on drugs they still give her the love that she needs. She is taken in with open arms and they put nothing against her. They make her feel part of the family again and that is just what she needs. Lastly, she realizes that she can get the same high or a higher high from just normal things in life. An example of this is the kittens. When she goes down and picks up one of the kittens and it licks her ear she realizes that her life is amazing and there is no need for drugs to influence it. She has everything that she needs for a perfect life right in front of her.

Go Ask Alice Blog 2: Emotional Response

After reading this far into the book the book was a lot different than what I expected it to be. I thought it would be she would get on drugs and then just stay on them. Then the rest of the book would be where her life took her from there. But I have found that it is about how throughout her teenage years she went on an off drugs. She would feel bad so she would promise herself to stop. But after she did it even once that promise was over. She would do drugs as much as she wanted. And she felt as though it was the meaning of life.

This book makes me depressed in a way. I feel bad for her and how she is physically and mentally not able to stay away from drugs. She needs them to be able to get by in her day-to-day life. She turns into someone that he was completely not at the beginning of the book. At the begging of the book she would have never even thought about going on drugs. But then she is so different. She runs away from home and drugs become her life. She isn’t able to face anything without them. It is hard to just sit here and just read what is happening to her and read about how her life is withering away. I wish I could jump in there and make her stop and tell her what she is doing to herself. I want to know what more she can do. She already has run away from her family twice but both times and the first time she goes back. So far the second time she thinks about calling her family but hasn’t yet. But I just hope that she makes some good decisions in her life and does not completely throw it away due to her addiction to drugs.

Go Ask Alice

What is your initial response to the book and how do you think that you will respond to it? How do you think Alice will become involved with drugs?

After reading the back of the book I would have thought that Alice would have been much different than what she really is. I thought that she would have been a more popular character. One who would not b be self confident and would go to parties all the time. But in reality she is very self confident and she doesn't have many friends. She feels like she is a mis-fit. I would have thought before opening up a page of the book that almost right away she would have gotten started with drugs. Just by the intensity in the back of the book and seems as though it would be that way. I in a way am looking forward to the part where she does get hooked on drugs. Not because she dies and that drugs are awful. But just to be able to get inside a persons head who is taking them, and be able to see what their world is like. I think that this book will be a really emotionally intensise book to read. From the fact where she takes drugs and that her family doesn't want her any more. She becomes something that she never wanted to e. She had heard of it from people in her school but she could never imagine anyone actually doing it.

It says that Alice will become involved with drugs at a party. One of her drinks has LSD. But what I am wondering is if she knew that the drug was in her drink. If she didnt know then I dont think that she would continue. She wouldn't know what drug it was unless someone told her. But it just goes to show that even after using a drug once it can change your life in ways that no one would imagine.

Book Choicess

First: Go Ask Alice
Second:The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
Third:To Kill a Mockingbird- read it in 8th grade and dont want to read it again so soon
Fourth:Black Hawk Down- dont really want to read because it is another book about war

Chapter 21

Personally I do not like the way that the book ended. I wish that they wouldn’t have ended it with that story. But they would have made one more chapter telling us if he really did get to New York and if he had any struggles along the way. We all know that is going to be fine, because he is still alive right now. But I really want to know if he did eventually get to New York then. But that was the only thing that I wished they would have done.

When Ishmael and his friend went to go get food that was the only time that I would possibly even consider that there was a plus to being in the war was then. If they had not been in the war and never fought than they most likely would have been killed. For example when the helicopter came they knew exactly what it was going to do so they hid. And they also knew all the ways to get around the soldiers so that they would not be suspected and shot.

I also think that it was very sad how is Uncle dies. It almost seems as the war and the fighting gets worse he gets worse and eventually he has had enough. He is fed up with it and he just gives up. But what made it worse was that he was in Ishmael’s arms. I just couldn’t believe that they last person that he had left and that was family was taken away.

Chapter 19 and 20

Whoever said that kids can’t do anything were wrong. Just look at all these children including Ishmael who have come together to help other children. Almost all of them have been through some of the worst sights and feeling that you would ever want to imagine. In the book it said,

“Every morning we would quickly walk through the snow to a conference room down the street. There we would cast our sufferings aside and intelligently discuss solutions to the problems facing children in our various countries. At the end of these long discussions, our faces and eyes glittered with hope and the promise of happiness. It seemed we were transforming our sufferings as we talked about ways to solve their causes and let them be known to the world.”

After reading that you know that it is the truth and that it came form his heart. He did no t just make those words up to make the book more interesting. These children who live through everything bad never imagined that they would get to help other kids. But now they get the chance and take it when they know that they can change every child’s life so it does not have to be like theirs.

I was very glad that Ishmael was chosen. And from the time when he first interviewed I knew that hew as going to be chosen. He didn’t say much but what he said showed that he really did know what was going on and he would do anything to stop it now that he knows what it really is. And when they said that the guys was smiling I knew right then that he was chosen.

Chapters 17-18

After all these months and everything that he is been through… I am so happy for Ishmael. To him it is almost as if it is n end to a fairy tale. Everything that he remembered was from as soon as he was taken into the war. He couldn’t remember anything from his previous life and his childhood. But the nurse is the one person who he feels the most comfortable around and is finally able to get back into a couple of those memories. But when his Uncle walked in, it almost made me want to cry. He finally had someone he knew and that knew his family there right in front of him. It was proof that he had something to live for and that he was no all alone. Each time they would go for a walk more and more of his childhood memories would come back. He no longer had s many dreams and he was happy. He could remember his family, although he missed them, he no longer had all of those gory pictures of the war and everything that he had some in the past going through his head. Now I feel like if I have to book this book down or if it ended right here I know that he would be safe. Before I felt like I had to keep reading it to keep him alive and able to live the life that he had, but now I feel as though I am allowed to put the book down. I can put the book down without the feeling that his future was in my hands.

Chapters 15 and 16

Wow! I have to say that out of all of the chapters these were the most powerful to me. All of the other chapters they were just too much. It was hard to even process those and make them become real. But in these two chapters it really shows you all that they had been through. When they are first taken and they are on the truck the entire way they are wondering where they are going. Then they become so frustrated that they think about and almost do raid it and turn it right on back around. The when they arrive and that first night they break out into a war. It was almost as if they had been deprived of fighting. That was the only thing for them to live for. And they had no way of stopping it that was all they knew and people were too afraid of them to stop it. The children also don’t want to stay in the mini hospital. They had for so long taken care of themselves and they hadn’t even noticed when they got hurt. So now when they were given the care and the love that they used to have they didn’t want it.

In Chapter 16 it starts to get to the part where they are beyond their wanting to kill every living thing but they are able to go out into the free world. When Ishmael and his two friends went into the city that was the first time that I had a smile on my face for the first time in this book. It just made me so happy that they could finally snap themselves out of it and be able to see what was beyond all of the fighting. I no longer fear when they kids start to fight because I know that they are trying to get through it and that soon they will be over it. Most of them for most likely for the rest of their life will have nightmares about what they have done in the past, there is no way of stopping that. Just the thought that they will be able to live a normal life. They no longer have the drugs that they depend on or the physiological need for blood and the death of others.

Book Suggestions

Even after thinking bout it for a little I still do not have any specific books that we should read. But I would prefer if we didn’t read any books that are sad or gory. A book that my mo would suggest that we would read would be gone with the Wind. But most people would not want to read a book that is more and 1,000 pages. I would not want to read that specific book, but something like that. Gone with the Wind is set during the civil war and is about two people falling in love, and all of their issues surrounding them. I will be happy reading anything as long as it is happy and not like the last two books we have read.

Chapter 13 and 14

Now I do believe everyone when they said that those were the most two graphic chapters in the book. The image of limbs and head floating in the river is enough to make any one feel sick. Imagine at the age of 13 killing people and doing drugs to the point where you can’t even sleep. I could not imagine anyone doing this. Especially so young. It’s not fair to these kids that this is how they have to live their life. They should be able to live it in freedom and not have to worry about what they are going to eat the next day or if their head is going to be blown off while fighting.

Ishmael does not seem like the type of boy who do this. But this book shoes that just about anybody can be desensitized to the point where it becomes their life and that that is all that they think about. Even when they don’t have to they do. What really terrified me was during his first experience of fighting when he sees his friend dies. He sees him thrown up into the air by the force of a grenade that he lands so hard that he cracks his spine. Then all he can do is sit there and watch him die while blood is being squirted on his face and everything around him.

Chapter 11 & 12

At the very beginning of chapter 11 I got really excited for Ishmael that he would most likely be able to see his family again, but that soon faded. After the first page I thought after everything he has been through I don’t think that he is going to et lucky and be able to see his family again. That’s what I wanted to happen but the feeling in my gut said that there was going to be something keeping him in the way of getting to his family… and I was right. AS soon as they said they saw smoke and heard shots I knew what was happening. I knew that either his parents and family were going to be killed or they would have run in the opposite direction just for Ishmael to have to go chasing after them again. When he got to the description part of what had happened I couldn’t believe that human beings were act ally doing that. That they could force themselves to do all of that to a human being just like that.

When Ishmael was handed the gone I knew the book was going to go downhill from there. Those soldiers were going to find a way to pull all of the last hope he had left out of him. It could all be gone and all that was left was the need for revenge. I was actually happy when he was shaking when he received the gun because if he wasn’t that would have proven that he was completely desensitized and ready to because “the opposite of the rebels.” Yes they were fighting against them but they were still murdering people for revenge.

Chapter 10

Day by day you walk not wondering what is going to happen that day. Now knowing if you are going to find food. And not knowing if you are going to die before it turns to nightfall. Your entire life a mystery. I just do not see how they could do it. After you think that nothing more could be ripped from these young boys one of them dies right next to them. The boy had been living in the same conditions as them and had gone through everything that they had but he did not make. So what hope did that give to the other boys? If they saw someone die in front of their eyes, someone that they knew and spent every second with, they would just expect that they are going to die sooner or later. Whether it be as peaceful as dying in your sleep or bring killed by the rebels. There is nothing good about these boys lives but when they go to a single dance and celebration or hear that their family could possibly be in the next village they all light up. They dance and celebrate and they act happy. Personally I do not see how even if they did have a chance of seeing their family again or because the just ate a huge feast that they could keep going. These boys must have a heart that is bigger than anyone’s that we know. And big enough to take in everything that shouldn’t exist and still find some hope in the cracks.

Chapter 8 & 9

I can’t believe that someone that young has the strength to walk for 2 days straight without sleeping. Plus the only stops to be made were to get water. I would die of hunger and exhaustion. In a thick forest, lost all alone it would feel like you would give up hope. Like everything that you knew was gone, you couldn’t help anyone because you were lost, and life was so different that you couldn’t even help yourself. People are one thing every person needs even if they say they don’t. It’s not possible for a person to live without someone by his or her side. Or at least someone to see and talk to every day to make you less lonely. But no Ishmael found his way without anyone’s help, made a “bed” for himself, and managed to get along without crossing to the side of giving up hope, which I admire him greatly for. I was so happy for him when he finally met the six other boys. Even though he was in a group again which did not have very many advantages, but one it did have was the feeling of companionship and having someone close to you and to talk to. I loved it when they went to the old man and he was very calm, gave them directions, and ask if they wanted food right away. As soon as he saw these children he knew that they were not harmful and that they were just lost children. He did not fear for his own life because he knew that it was coming to an end, but for the first time in the book we see that someone actually cares for these boys and hopes that they get through it alive and without being taken by the rebels.

In Chapter nine I couldn’t believe that after all these children had gone through that they still had enough time and energy to mess around and play on the beach. It was so cool that they could leave everything that they had seen in the past weeks and just have fun and go back to being normal kids. The found a way with the seven of them to have fun. They were in a place that they had really never seen up close before and they decided to make the best of it while they could. This I really admire them for.

Chapter 6&7

After reading chapters six and seven in a way I was relieved. Relieved in a way that there was a part of their life where they did not need to see dead bodies all over the place. In chapter six the experienced a different hard, the difficulty of working in a field, which everyone else who is their age and older, whose town has not been overtaken by the rebels was doing. I was not happy for them during this chapter because it sounded as though they were in a lot of pain. Yet I was happy because the physical pain that they were feeling was nowhere near as intense as the emotional pain that they had been feeling lately. I felt like I didn’t have to grieve for them and that they got a break for a little while. This was until the rebels attacked and I read the last two sentences in the chapter. “ It was during that attack on the village of Kamator that my friends and I separated. It was the last time I saw Junior, my older brother. This would have been the worst part of the entire experience. The last person in your family that had been with you is now gone. The last thing you held onto is no longer there. It would make me feel like I would want to give up.

In chapter seven I found that I thought the Ishmael was very brave. I never would have chosen to go off on my own in a place where you could be attacked any second. When he arrived at the river towards the end of the chapter I thought it was so sad to see that no 12 year old boy could be trusted, no matter what the circumstances. Even though he said hello to the people and was friendly towards them they still did not trust him and they wanted him gone as soon as possible.

Chapters 3, 4, and 5

After reading the next three chapters I absolutely love this book. It’s an awful story… one that shouldn’t even have to be told, but with each paragraph and each page I find it more compelling. It just gets harder and harder for me to be able to put the book down. Each chapter seems to get more graphic and more… gross I guess is the only word that you can use. Every time I see something happen I flinch away as if I was there or I feel like I am going to be sick, but I force myself to keep reading. I know that he survives but I want to learn how he does it, which is why I keep reading.
I found that chapter 1 and 2 were a lot more confusing than the next three. In those chapters he incorporated the dreams, which you couldn’t even tell that those weren’t reality. But even with the awful nightmares in those chapters, I found that chapter 3, 4, and 5 seemed to be even more intense than chapters 1 and 2. At the beginning of chapter 3 I had some hope that the six children would be able to get away before the rebels came but I was wrong. The family they were staying with forced them to stay at the house to take care of everything, so when the rebels did come they were fleeing with everyone else. And I honestly have to say that during that entire chapter I was holding my breath hoping that they would not get caught or shot down. People were being shot right next to them, but I find it amazing that all six of them made it out alive.
Towards the end of chapter 5 when they are caught by the rebels I find it amazing that while they are watching the old man being “tortured” in a sense that they can’t cry. Also when Junior wasn’t chosen the first round but Ishmael was, and then vice versa in the second round, I have no idea how they would be able to keep all their emotions inside of them. I don’t think no matter how hard I tried that I would even be able to do that. At the end of the chapter what pushed me over the edge was when the rebels were going tot take the non recruited group to be shot in front of the recruited group, that’s when I had to stop reading and take a breath. I can’t believe that there would be people in the world that could do this to children. That could make them watch their sibling shot to death in front of them. I just find that unbelievable.

Chapter 1 and 2

I was completely stunned at the end of chapters one and two. It’s hard to believe that people on the other side of the world have to live through this. That their villages are attacked and people flee in the street with blood dripping everywhere. I do not think that I would be able to live after I saw people being shot and people trying to keeps their babies alive. I would probably have the same dreams that Ishmael had. I would never be able to sleep. That picture would be scarred in my memory forever. The nightmare that he had I found was really scary. At first I was confused and didn’t know if he was in a dream or if the book skipped to the future. But then I realized that it was a nightmare when he pulled back the sheet and saw his own face. Also I don’t know how they could stand not knowing where their parents and family are. For all they know they could be running with the other people or they could are have been shot and are now dead.

Christans and Native People

When the Christians first come the native people are a bit confused by the new religion but they are willing to listen. At first they are so confused and do not know how they could have the father, son and the holy sprit but only have one god, when they are telling them that there is only one god and none of theirs exist. After listening to the white people some people finds that it answers their questions. For example Nwoye, he finds that it answers his questions about why Ikemefuna was killed and why they have to kill twins when they are born. To him it never made sense. More and more people started joining the Christians and moving onto where they lived and had become part of their festivities. Finally it got to the point where the native people would not let the Christians or anyone who had converted to their belief back onto their ground. Then Enoch goes and unmasks one of the spirits of the native people and that just sends the people into anger and confusion. They don’t know what to do and all they can thing about is getting back at them. So the spirits go and burn down Enoch’s house and then they turn to the church where Mr. Smith was. They don’t want to go as low as they did by destroying what they believe in so they do not harm him, but they do burn down the church.
When Mr. Brown was the minister the people were nicer to the native people. He understood that they would not completely understand the religion but it was ok to come and be part of their church. He did not force it though. During that time the native people were treated nicer and there was not as much hatred. But when he left and Mr. Smith came everyone had to understand and had to believe in what he believed in. But the messengers were not nice to the people. The kotma beat the people in the prison and forced them to do manual labor. The British do not think that their way of life is civilized and it doesn’t mean anything to them. They do not care if they destroy their culture they just want more followers.

Mother is Supreme

When Uchendu starts talking about the Ibo proverb that the “Mother is Supreme” Okonkwo is scolded for not understanding what he is saying. He ignores it for example by beating his children. If his child does anything wrong he will beat them and then send them off to their mothers so that their mothers can care about them. But even though he beats his children he still cares about them. For example when Ezinma was carried off by Chielo he left home and went to the cave four times because he was so worried about her. He even offered to stay there and let Ekwefi go home and sleep. Okonkwo tries to ignore it so that he can be a man but inside he really does care about his children. But when he tries to ignore it and when he is trying to be to manly it sometimes overpowers him. It forces him to beat his wives and do things that he will regret later. Mothers always look forward to the future and are always optimistic. But Okonkwo, when he is exiled from Umofia he is depressed and doesn’t even want to plant crops so that he can earn money for his family.

Okonkwo

I think that Okonwkwo is a good guy, but he can be really mean sometimes. He can be a really hard worker for example in chapter 3 he goes to a leader of the community and he brings him gifts. After giving him the gifts and then saying how much he respects him he asks him if he can loan him 400 yam seeds. The man trusts him so much that he gives him 800. But the year he received the yam seeds it was dry all year long. No matter what he seeds and sprouts still died. So he tried again but this time there was rainstorm after rainstorm and they all got washed away. So there I admired him for how hard he worked and felt sorry for him because he had to pay off all of his dad’s loans. And now the seeds that he owed the man. But, I also think that he can over react sometimes. For example in chapter four when he came home to find that this 3rd wife wasn’t there to make him dinner. Even though she left her children at home to go do her hair I do not think that he should have beaten her like that. She does a lot for him and is there whenever he wants her so I think it is ok that she left for about an hour to do something for herself.

What Will Happen at the End

P.S.’s father puts so much stress on him to do well. Or he feels like he does. He is the 15th person from his family to attend this school and he doesn’t want to let down the family. And P.S. didn’t study enough so he had to cheat in order to pass the test and make is father happy. But after the test he isn’t rejoicing after the test he feels bad. He hates having to cheat just to make is father happy. So because of how he is after the test I think that he is going to turn himself in. When he turns himself in to the teacher I don’t think that the teacher will get mad, he will be upset but understanding. And he will like the fact that he had turned himself in instead of getting a grade that he didn’t deserve. P.S. had not meant to cheat when he first went into the test but the sheet was there and then he found himself cheating. Even though he turned himself in he still didn’t pass so I think that he ill still have to go to summer school, but he will pass the test the 3rd time he takes it.

1. The last meal I had at a restaurant was spaghetti and meatballs.
2. Soccer is something I intensely dislike.
3. The full moon shines through my window every night.
4. Sup is one of my favorite local expressions.
5. Sometimes it is best to just be a couch potato all day long.
6. 27 dresses is the best movie I’ve seen so far this year!
7. As for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to being able to stay up as late as I want, tomorrow my plans include sleeping all day long, and Sunday I want to go see a movie!

Never Judge a Book by It's Cover

People always say never judge a book by his cover. Well I made the mistake of doing that. When I first started dancing at Jordan I didn’t know anybody. I would always stand in the corner by myself during class and then go straight home afterward. Everyone else knew each other but I didn’t know anyone. But I always remembered these two girls who would always stand in the front of the room right next to the teacher. And every time I had to take a class with them I got so nervous. I felt like they thought they were too good for the class and they made fun of me at everything I did. And they looked like people who would just stare at you with their dagger eyes thinking, “What is she doing.” I felt like they were so much better than me. Even when I made a lot of friends they were never one of them. Then during this 5-week summer intensive I had no choice but to be in their classes and spend time with them. But after spending time with them I found out that they are the nicest people ever. Every day we would get closer and closer. And then after the entire Summer Intensive was done they were like my best friends. I feel really bad that I never wanted to talk to them sooner and always insisted on “hiding” from them. Now I know that I should never judge someone before I know him or her. And that it’s always good to make your friends after you get to know them and find out who they truly are.